This episode of Correlations is unique in that it is a real life example of the journey we go on when being with our difficult feelings toward an event and person, in light of reading their birth chart. We begin the episode with Matthew’s complex and difficult feelings toward Melania Trump recently wearing the jacket “I don’t really care do U?“ to the southern border of Texas to visit the children being detained by the US government.

As we explore these complex feelings we use the tool of nonviolent communication to begin to understand how we can read birth charts in an empowering and non-shaming way, using the chart and transits of Melania as our focus. We also have a healing experience discussing the grief process, the path of forgiveness, and the balance of feeling our raw and powerful feelings while also practicing nonviolence. Our hope is there is something in here for you in the process, as much as, or more than the content.

After recording this episode, I keep coming back to the proverbial question: How do we best take care of ourselves while taking care of others?

Compassion at our borders. Boundaries as compassionate. What can this look like? I know that in order for me to have compassion I have to be resourced. When I am under resourced in my life whether physically, spiritually, or emotionally I have a very hard time accessing my compassion. One way I get more resourced is to have better boundaries as a form of self-care. I simply cannot take care of others if I cannot take care of myself. I see a lot of Americans around me under resourced and struggling with boundaries and self-care. This is at first confusing and then very sad for me. We are the richest most powerful country in the world and yet so many Americans are sick, tired, depressed, and anxious. We have become a top-heavy empire where the majority of our resources goes to fighting all kinds of fights at home and abroad instead of caring for our people. No wonder we cannot have compassion at our borders. We do not have enough compassion within our borders.

These days, I am most interested in meeting in the middle. Liberalism and conservatism are beginning to feel like racism and sexism. Polarization and discrimination that is hurting every one. As someone who used to identify as a “liberal” I see my liberal brothers and sisters participating in acts of unkindness while pointing the finger at the conservatives and saying they are evil and need to be saved. Saved from what? Once we begin to think we have the power and duty to save someone else I find we get into a whole lot of trouble. When is wanting to save someone else or an idea of the way the world should be a form of not taking responsibility for our own lives and a form of spiritual bypass? Ideologies have become strait jackets of armor we wear to make ourselves feel better about our position while often hurting people along the way. It is not being a liberal or a conservative that makes one kind or unkind. It is one’s human heart, acts of compassion, and the way one treats all of life. I know plenty of “liberal” Trumps in this world. I also know it is really uncomfortable to admit we are all implicated. There is no such thing as a pure life anymore. Maybe there never was. Because no matter how much I care and do my best someone is suffering for the things I have. We cannot currently escape this and there is no one party that is responsible for this. I believe we are all responsible for this system we have inherited.

I do not want to fight wars abroad and I do not want to fight wars at home. It is far too easy to get caught in the drama of there is not enough and lose kindness and respect for one another. Yes, I care a whole lot and my best guess is so do you. Because that is what human beings do — care. It is one of our greatest human features. And the one that most easily gets tangled up in pain, confusion, and despair when we need something we do not have: shelter, food, water, love, attention, and understanding. I do not think it is right to separate children from their parents. It is a very unskilled way of communicating a message. We can say no and still be kind. Even better, we can give other options of how to move forward while still honoring our necessary rules and boundaries. I will always stand up and protect those in need. Parenting for peace in our homes allows us to parent for peace everywhere else in our lives. Peace in my home means no more Trump or Republican bashing. It’s a sick little game that I do not want to play anymore. I believe there are more skilled and resourced ways for me to care. To show up and love the people in my life, to speak out when I do not agree, and to take really good care of myself.

In my experience, we have to police our borders when we feel there is a lack or we are in fear that something important will be taken away. A watch dog to protect borderlines. So much energy goes into the policing that could otherwise go into the resourcing, if we actually trusted we are going to be okay — truly feeling and experiencing there is more than enough right here, right now.

As a psychotherapist, I support people in their deepest pain, confusion, and despair. I see more than ever, every person is sensitive, compassionate, and wants to be loved and understood. I am here to offer care and support. I, however, do not want to use my energy to attack any more. Feeling anger, rage, hatred = all good and necessary. But I do not want to shame, blame, or attack from this place. It is SO hard. Probably one of the hardest things for me not to do in life, and I certainly do not always get it right the first time around. I find the best way to feed our demons is to give them lots of light (attention) and love (care). The demons move from ugly and scary monsters to wise and compassionate beings — from distorted to clear. I need help loving my monsters and I imagine that means you do too.

We are all finding our way through right now. These are undoubtedly challenging times to be alive for a lot of people. I am doing my best to share my real experiences. I see all of you amazing people out there doing your best to show up with so much love, creativity, care, and kindness. You absolutely do not go unnoticed or unappreciated. THANK YOU!

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Psychological splitting is one of our primary defense mechanisms, a normal and healthy function of the individual psyche that occurs in every human being. On the one hand, it offers us protection until we are strong and ready enough to encounter and integrate those parts of our self, good and bad, that at first feel foreign to the ego. On the other hand, splitting functions more deeply, transcending our individual psyches by serving collective and transpersonal purposes. Psyche is not just on the inside, but is the universal mind in which we all swim together. In this sense, psyche is fractal, and we are each a diamond whose facets catch the light of communal relation in a kaleidoscopic network of interactions. We play different roles for one another, not just due to individual projections, but as part of a larger group gestalt, a broader process of psyche coming to know itself better as each individual becomes more integrated through working their relationships.

More than just a defense mechanism, psychological splitting is a way that you hold a piece of me until I am ready to recognize it as myself, and vice versa. In our closest relationships, our friends and partners often carry traits that we have trouble accepting as our own. By being in these relationships, we can slowly drink in those seemingly foreign traits. Thus, splitting in not pathological, but a way of integrating Self at a pace that we can handle. It is a form of amnesis, or forgetting, that is to our benefit. Just as we cannot see all our past lives less we be overwhelmed by their weight and unable to engage cleanly in the present, so too are we unable to see all the parts of ourselves right away. We must gradually become that which we already are potentially. We do this by interacting with people and our environment, by slowly reclaiming those parts of our Self that we initially, often for our own good, split off from ourselves. Splitting relates to the Saturn-Pluto complex in the sky presently. We can look at the birth chart to help us to see the unique ways in which each of us is prone to splitting. By identifying and working with these personal archetypal themes, we are aided on our soul journey toward becoming our fullest selves.

~Full Moon Blessings on Saturn and Pluto~

Sung to you by the lovely Travis DiRuzza.

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Welcome to Stream. This new forum is dedicated to sharing my stream of consciousness as a Sun-Mercury-Neptune triple conjunction in Capricorn woman. Each Stream will come in free flow form as I am moved by Spirit to speak. A movement similar to the great woman dancer, Isadora Duncan, who would wait to move her body until she felt the presence of the sacred that guided her movement.

In the first Stream, The World, I share my thoughts on birth charts and death charts. I ask us to think critically and carefully about what “the world” means and what we mean when we ask the question that is perhaps asked more than any other, “what does this mean”? I also challenge the modern apocalyptic vision that is so often proclaimed with such authority.

The image of “The World” for this Stream comes from the new Tarot deck by Paulina Cassidy.

Music for Stream created and produced by Travis DiRuzza (musical genius and love of my life!).

Thank you for listening to Stream.


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