The egoic structure forms, in part, in response to this profound loss and defense mechanisms begin to crystalize (Bradshaw, 1988). The child learns how to protect herself from further pain and loss by hiding her authentic self because who she really is was rejected, not accepted, and abandoned. This experience is internalized as shameful and wrong. The child believes now that there is something wrong with her innate being; similarly to any other adaptive creature, she instinctively responds to the environment by creating various forms of armoring and false senses of self in order to survive. Among the defensive armors is the cloak of perfectionism. Perfectionism is an ideal armoring for a fatherless daughter in that it defends against the imperfect nature of the child that she believes caused the father to leave.

Perfectionism is also highly regarded in a masculine-dominated society as something to strive for on a daily basis in all areas of one’s life, for it is achievement and success that defines one’s value and sense of self-worth in patriarchy (Reis, 2006). When one is constantly striving to be perfect, there is no room for vulnerability or hard feelings like being scared, angry, sad, or jealous. There is no room for mistakes, taking chances, being creative, play, and wild abandon. There is only time to work, achieve, and be better than everyone else. There is no time to suffer, feel pain, grieve, or mourn loss. There is no time for the body, love, art, or music. There is no time to be, to see, or to be seen.

When the father is physically absent the tendency for the child to constellate an inner father as an archetypal father figure becomes a magnified caricature in the child’s inner world (Reis, 2006). In the absence of the human father the void is filled with a larger than life and often impersonal presence. The impersonal father is both idealized in a godlike way carrying great powers and feared for his condemning and scrutinizing gaze that is always looking down upon the child. An actual father is fallible, has a shadow, makes mistakes, and is human with all types of qualities and characteristics. The impersonal father often only has one face with which the child learns quickly to become identified in order to avoid the archetypal father’s wrath and rejection. At this point he has become an internal aspect of the child that fundamentally rejects her as unholy and bad. The shame that can haunt a young girl’s life in the wake of the father’s abandonment can have devastating implications for her relationships and her psychological well-being. Guiding Purpose and Rationale

The emotion of shame prohibits human beings from feeling deeply connected to themselves and the world around them. Shame is the root of feeling alienated, isolated, and cut off from family, friends, community, spirituality, and the world at large. It is also at the core of loss of meaning and purpose in one’s life (Welwood, 2005, p. 11). According to psychologist John Bradshaw (1988) shame is the source of all addictions and compulsive behaviors (p. 35). This experience of fundamental disconnection blocks access to one’s creative potential, true desires, and a sense of love and belonging— central tenets of human existence. When one feels unworthy of belonging the psyche or sense of self fragments and becomes disjointed (p. 31). In shame the impulse is to silence and hide (Brown, 2012b, lecture).

The purpose of this thesis is to provide a deeper examination, from a depth psychological and feminist perspective, of shame in the life of a daughter abandoned by her father within a patriarchal context. Both the specific focus on the daughter-father relationship in which the undeveloped feminine is abandoned by the older masculine, and its analysis from a feminine psychological perspective, are important to the role of psychology in helping both clients and culture move toward greater wholeness.

The central path for people to begin to change their behavior in life is through empathic mirroring (Rowe & MacIsaac, 1998). Empathy is one of humanity’s greatest allies in the revolution from disconnection to connection. The values of patriarchy, however, do not foster empathic attunement and mirroring, vulnerability, and interdependence, but rather emphasize the individual over the whole, value homogeny over plurality and difference, and logical linear rational thought over feelings, emotions, empathy, and intuitive sensing. In that Western culture is patriarchal, structures of power and domination are wired into Western culture’s way of thinking, language, and modes of relating intrapersonally, interpersonally, and transpersonally. This discourages the compassion and human connection that is the basis of human beings coexisting in a creative way together on this planet. A recoding of these power structures needs to be the task of humanity today. This is an area in which the feminine, individually and collectively, once freed of shame, can contribute something of great value.

Patriarchal principles that tend to measure one’s worth based upon masculine qualities and values of rational, linear, and logical thinking, as well as achievement, autonomy, and radical self-reliance often have the effect of denigrating feminine principals such as emotions, the body, intuitive knowing, nonlinear thinking, the imagination, and interdependence (Reis, 2006; Woodman, 1985). As revisioned and reframed by feminist depth psychotherapist Maureen Murdock (1990), in her book The Heroine’s Journey,

a women’s quest in the world, given the current condition of Western culture, is to heal the split that tells us that our knowings, wishes, and desires are not as important nor as valid as those of the dominant male culture. Our task is to heal the internal split that tells us to override the feelings, intuition, and dream images that inform us of the truth of life to hold the tension of not knowing the answers, and the willingness to listen to our inner wisdom and the wisdom of the planet, which begs for change. (p. 11)